Hi Everybody!
This week we talked about dating and preparing for marriage!
        I have a ton of homework this week which is prohibiting me from writing as much as I would like to. But I will try to give a quick over view of what we talked about and hopefully will do it a little justice.
        We talked about love and tried to define it.  There was one definition in our reading that I really like it says:
"I define love thus: The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another's spiritual growth." - M Scott Peck
        Then talked about 4 different types of love.

Agape- Not based on feelings. 

Storge- Parent to child love.
Eros- Romantic, sexual, and passionate.
Phillia- Closeness, friendly, or brotherly love.

         We talked about how we really should have all of these different kinds of love for our spouses. each is important to making a marriage work. I personally would want all of these different kinds of love in my marriage. I think each has a place and a purpose.

        My favorite part of this week was when we talked about the parallels of dating and marriage. A real date consists of three things.

-Planned
-Paid For
-Paired Off
Those three things can be related to the three roles that a husband, according to the family: a proclamation to the world, should have.
-Preside
-Provide
-Protect

        I don't know why I love this part of the week so much. I guess that it just proves that you are suppose to be looking for things that your date does that would roll over into marriage as a spouse. It was just really interesting to me. And I have been thinking about it a lot. It is just one of those thing I love to ponder on.I am really out of time this week. I hope that this made you think. again if you have questions, comment, thoughts, don't be afraid to comment. Thanks!
     

Gender Roles

Hey Hey, 

     This week has been kinda crazy so this is just a quick little blurt about gender roles and how important they are. I wish I had more time but i just don't. I will try to post a little more about this topic sometime next week. Sorry, hope it is still interesting and insightful. 

     Men and women are equally important, they deserve the same rights, but they are not the same. Women have their own qualities and so do men. We are different emotionally, physically, and socially. These differences are not a bad thing at all. We do not have to be the best at absolutely everything. We are suppose to be different and those that try to make men and women equal are demeaning what it means to be a women or a man. The video that we watched for Monday's class really made me mad. Especially the part about the firefighters. They talked about how they should make tests to be a firefighter easier for women. All I could think was why in the world would you do that! If I am in a burning building and a firefighter has to pull me out, but she doesn't have the strength she needs to do it, that's a huge problem. I like that they are strict about the tests. I don't want to be left wondering if I am going to die or not in a burning building. I want to know I have the best they can offer, and the best chance of surviving.  Yes give women the opportunity but if they want to so badly be like men they have to work at the same level. That was just one thing that really bothered me. 

     As a woman I think it is offensive that other women want to be so much like men. Why? Not that men aren't wonderful, but if you are a woman then embrace how wonderful that is. We are blessed to be able to understand people on so many levels. We are great conversationalists.We are great at all of our relationships with lots of different people. We are nurturing and loving. What is wrong with that? It doesn't make us weak or unimportant. I think that all those things are crazy important. To be able to connect with all sorts of people is such an uncomprehendable gift. 

     I guess my overall point is that both men and women are important. We are suppose to work together with our God given gifts to make a difference. We are equal but different, and that is not a bad thing. 

Culture and Class

Ello!

This week in class we talked about social class and about culture. We defined culture as your beliefs, art, tradition, etc. culture is something that you are born into and is more stable or lasting throughout your life. Class on the other hand is a social economic status.  What class you are in can be determined by many things. Some that we discussed include:

-          Money

-          Recreational Activities

-          Lifestyle

-          Location

-          Education

-          Appearance/ Grooming

-          Place of work

Your class and culture have everything to do with how your family works, acts, and even shows affection. There are hardships brought on by riches and by poverty. The change of culture from one generation to another has a huge impact on how families communicate.

The huge thing that we talked about this week is are all cultures equally valid? This is a really hard thing to talk about. We as humans don’t want to offend anyone. We don’t want to say that someone’s culture is wrong, and we shouldn’t . But does that make all of them equally right and effective.  I  don’t think so. My response to this question for my teacher was this:

“Okay so I was having issues with the word valid in this question. So I looked up the definition.

Valid:

1.) sound; just; well-founded

2.)producing the desired result; effective:

With that definition in mind I would say that all cultures are valid to some degree. Different cultures have different beliefs that result in a variety of outcomes. The marriage and family Book talked about how Asian American families focus on values like obedience and self-control; so most their children are obedient and have self-control. So they are “producing the desired result." But is this the correct result? Is there a correct result? This is where personal beliefs really start to come in. For us as Latter Day Saints, I would say, our desired result would be exaltation. We have been given commandments and guide lines in order to achieve this goal. Is Mormon culture then the most valid culture? My personal testimony would be an astounding yes, but it gives you some things to ponder. 

The talk on truth and tolerance by Elder Oaks (http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/-truth-and-tolerance-elder-dallin-h-oaks) really helped me in my pondering. The need for respect of others and their cultures was very evident throughout the talk. There is a level of understand that we must have for each other. Everyone on this earth is trying to figure out what is right and wrong or good and bad. We are blessed to have the truth; we should stand up for it and need to share it. However, we still must respect others and let them use their agency to find their way.  I think one of the quotes given in the talk kind of sums up what I am trying to say.

Hey hey everyone!
So a little more background on myself for a second. I am in this class trying to really make up my mind if I want to make my major marriage and family relations. Honestly, after this week, the answer would be yes. I really like the idea of being a relations counselor. This week in class we talked about the different types of relationships people have, and the effect that one relationship in a family can have on the rest of the family unit. I just got really excited this week about being able to help families learn how to work with each other.  any way. I am going to just type up some of my notes from this week and once again would love some feedback: questions, thoughts, judgments, arguments. I want to talk about it all! Thanks everyone!

Class Notes:
Monday:
Theory is an attempt to explain a happening.
Systems Theory- Each individual in a family is not just an independent part but has a great influence on every other individual in a family unit. Each individual in a family plays his/her own role.
Exchange Theory- Whatever I do for you, I want something of similar or greater value back.
          - Give/Take          - Usually informal agreements
          -If unbalanced it doesn't work
Symbolic Interaction Theory- Cognitive creatures (which we are) who are influenced and shaped by their interactions, and experiences with others.
          - All behavior has a meaning.
          - Meanings my not be shared and lead to confusion, frustration, disappointment, etc. (I mean one                      thing, they took it another way.)
Conflict Theory- Limited resources are shared and (usually) one person is decided upon who will be in charge of these resources and decide how they are distributed.
Wednesday-
- Apply Elder Packers, "if so, then...." statement to the family.
- As a counselor you must become a little part of the family, no matter how small that part is, in order to influence a family.
- Each family member must see their own importance and influence to the family system.
- In order to truly help a family you must have a genuine love for them.
- You must focus on each relationship in a family. In a family of three their are more than three relationships.
- When a family comes into a session you can get a little snapshot of a family situation based on where family members sit and who they sit next to.
 
There are three kinds of relationship boundaries in families.
Think of each example of relationships as a fence between neighbors.
(Lines below explanations are visual representations.)
1.) Clear- Picket fence: you can converse over it but there is a boundary.
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
2.) Ridged- Brick wall: tells people to keep out and there is no communication.
____________
3.) Defuse- Posts in the ground with nothing between them: people come and go as they please, and let themselves inside you house.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
 When connections and understanding happens in a ridged boundary it pokes holes in it and starts to become a clear boundary. _____ ___ _ _ ___


"Heavenly Father doesn't want natural relationships he wants divine Relationships."