“What I Learned For
My Posterity”
·
What was your parenting philosophy at the
beginning of the semester and how has it changed?
o
My overall philosophy hasn't changed a whole
lot.
o
I think that parents are to preside over their
family just as God does over all of his children on earth. “Pattern our families after heaven.”
o
We are to teach with love and understanding.
o
The one thing that I really have changed in my
philosophy is that my parenting starts with who I am right now. It doesn't happen like the flip of a switch.
·
How has your understanding and testimony of the
scriptures being the best parenting manual changed?
o
Using the scriptures as a parenting manual had
never crossed my mind, but now it never leaves.
o
Not only are the scriptures a parenting manual,
but also a student manual, a daughters manual, a friends manual, and a manual
for any other role that you might hold here on the earth.
o
One of the most important things that I learned
about the scriptures (and any other text or source of information) is that you
can put on a certain lens on it and learn so much about that subject. THEN you
can put a different lens on the same information and learn a ton about another
subject.
o
Learning about all of that has strengthened my
testimony of the scriptures so much. I have a hard time relating the scripture
to myself, and this has helped me immensely. I am starting to understand how to learn from
my scriptures; not just read them and know the stories and the Sunday school
lessons that go with them.
o
I am learning to apply the scriptures to my daily
life.
·
What do you intend to do in order to be more
effective at using doctrines, principles, and applications in changing you and
your children’s behavior and character?
o
To answer this question I decide to take an
outline of learning based on a talk given by Elder Kerr given at a devotional
here at BYUI.
§
Gain a knowledge of the principles and Doctrines
that you want to establish in your home.
§
Develop an understanding of those principles and
doctrines by living them in your daily life.
§
Have a belief (or an understanding in your
heart) of those principles and doctrines by evaluating what they mean to you.
§
Take action as you begin your family. First
continue living them and then effectively teach them to your kids following
this outline. Here is where I believe
you make decisions about the application you will put in place to teach your
children as they grow. Adapt applications as children change.
§
Develop a wisdom of the principles and
doctrines. This is where we reflect upon what we have done and who it has made
us, our spouse, and our children.
o
I think you can move up and down these steps
throughout your entire life. One
principle may be easy to learn and apply in your life and in your family, while
other may be more of a struggle and a challenge.
·
What were the most important lessons you learned
about your parenting DNA?
o
It is okay to be your child’s friend but only
when they are old enough and mature enough to do so. You can be a friend when
they are younger but it is a different kind of friendship and a more restricted
friendship. The kid should know they can
come to you with anything and you will still love and care for them. But you
cannot put your issues on your child and share your burden with them.
o
Your child needs to grow and develop at their
own pace.
o
Your child needs to know you are physically,
mentally, and spiritually there to love them and give them what they need
always. They come first! Always!
o
A home of contention is not a home of God where
the Spirit can dwell. Your child can feel when there is contention because the
spirit has left your home.
·
What principles from Steinberg had the most
impact on you?
o
Be involved in your child’s life
§
This is a subject that has really grown in
importance to me. My parents weren't really involved in my life as much as I
wish they could have been. Quality time
with your kids, where you are just with them doing whatever it is that they
want to be doing, is so crucial in understanding and loving your child.
o
Adapt your parenting to fit your child
§
Each child is very different and needs to be
parented differently than any other child. You need to be consistent on your
principles, yes, but your applications should change and adapt to each child’s
specific needs.
o
Help Foster your child’s independence
§
On this section I focused more on teaching your
child to be an agent. We are trying to
teach them to govern themselves, not teach them specific things they can and
cannot do. Teach them to think for
themselves and be an independent individual.
o
Treat your child with respect
§
This is also a huge principle for me and always
has been. Your child is a person and deserves the respect that you would give
to any other son or daughter of God. They have thoughts, feelings, emotions,
and needs; that need to be heard, taken seriously and to heart, and taken care
of.
·
What principles from Kohn had the most impact on
you?
o
Unconditional Parenting
§
My favorite quote for this section is, “We ought
to love them... for no good reason.”
§
When I think about unconditional parenting I
think about the pure love of Christ. That is, understand his love for all
people, having a love for all people, having a love for Christ, and then
understand Christ love for you.
o
Too Much Control
§
Controlling parents create sneaky kids. All
controlling does is get your kids to do something you want for a short period
of time when you are around.
·
Picture your future (or current children) and
write down some thoughts about how they will benefit from you taking this
class.
o
This class has given me the opportunity to learn
how to reflect and make changes to myself and my future family.
o
It has also given new meaning to learning for
me. I understand now what true learning is. This is a definite benefit for my
kids because I will be able to teach them what true learning is.
o
I think over all it has given me things to think
about. It has opened up aspects of parenting I had never thought of, and even
opened me up to thinking about some aspects of my life now in a new way.
·
What have you changed or starting to change now
in your life to prepare you to be a more unconditional and doctrinal parent?
o
I have started identifying principles that I
want to teach my children.
o
I am trying to change certain things in my life,
so that I can be the best example I can be to my children.
o
I am also trying to practice unconditional love
for those people around me now. If I can love someone, who does me wrong, unconditionally
than it will be easier with my children.
·
What have you learned about the importance of
learning…. real learning? How will this help you as a spouse and parent?
o
I have talked about this a little already in the
past questions.
o
I am gaining a personal testimony about real
learning. Learning has less to do with facts and more to do with opening your
mind and understanding principles and being able to take those things you learn
and apply them. It is about taking in information just for the sake of it. It
is about enjoying understanding just a fraction more of this life and thus
giving life to a whole new bank of questions that need answers.
o
If you are always learning and growing, through
that knowledge you will know how to be a better spouse and parent. You will be
able to be more effective in those roles.
o
You will also be able to pass those skills on to
your loved ones.
