Communication

Once upon a time I struggled to put my thoughts together into a coherent paragraph that others would understand and be edified by. This is that moment. In all seriousness though, I really am not sure how to describe what I have learned in this section. Which is ironic because it is about communication. I seriously have pages of notes, but it is so random it can not be organized into one or two thoughts. So I will ramble until something comes to me. 

In the last post I talked a little about how important communication is. This week we talked about what kind of communication we should use. Communication is more than just the words you say. You communicate with your body movements, with your eyes, and with your tone of voice. Humans can pick up on the littlest things that can completely change the meaning of your words. For example when we use sarcasm. We say one thing but actually mean the complete opposite. It can be quite confusing and cause a lot of  problems in communication. When we are speaking we need to know first of all what we are saying and then we need to be clear. It often helps to repeat back in our own words what others have said in order to fully understand. If we are right in our understand the other person will confirm it and if it is wrong they will correct us and help in our understanding. I think over all though we need to be open and involved in the conversation You have to want to come to a consensus not just a conclusion. We are not trying to win a fight, we are trying to come up to the best solution for each other and our family.

Well that is pretty short and kinda jumbled thoughts, but I hope it was a little informative. Thanks so much for reading! Questions always welcome!

Crises

A family can grow closer together or they can fall apart during a crisis.

First I want to define crisis. A crisis is a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life. It is also important to point out that a crisis calls for a change. You have to cope with what has happened, it is not just something that a person or a family has to get through. It is much bigger than just something that is stressing a family. It is very important that a family councils together as they deal with a crisis situation. One thing we talked about in class was how a families reaction completely changes the outcome and experience of the family. There was a formula we talked about, it goes like this:
           Actual events
            Both responses and resources
 +        Cognations                           
 Total eXperiences

My own family has had many different crises. I was thinking of a few things my family has been through and want to share an example or two to help explain. The first experience I want to talk about is the pasting of my Grandmother. This is my fathers mother. She pasted away in the year 2000. She was sick for a very long time before passing, She had been battling with cancer. I was only 8 years old when she passed so I don't remember everything, but I do remember my parents reaction. I remember that my parents sat me down individually and they explained to me what happened. I remember there were tears but that it was peaceful. My parents explained their own beliefs (which have become my own beliefs over time and study) about where grandma was now. We took each day as a family. We talked about grandma and the things we loved about her, and about memories that we had of her. I heard a lot of stories from my fathers childhood I had never heard before. The one thing I really remember is that I realized during this time how important family was. This realization has shaped a lot of who I have grown up to be. We chose, as a family, to support each other and to be happy together. I think 100% that this made us grow closer together.

The second crisis I want to talk about is something my family is currently working through. I can only give you my perspective of this situation. I can not pretend to understand my families thoughts or perspectives. When I was about 9 or 10 my older brother moved out of the house. Over the years our family has had difficulty with the decisions that he has made. He made a lot of decision that we saw as wrong, inappropriate, and contrary to our beliefs. During this time I was never really in on what all was happening. I often ease dropped on conversation to try to figure out what was going on with my own family. I understand trying to protect me but honestly I wish someone would have explained to me. My mother was very upset and depressed. my father was very quite on the subject. And my brother and I were never close enough for him to even want me to be a part of what was happening in his life. So I was left to myself and my own thoughts. I don't know if everyone just thought that it didn't effect me or that i wasn't really a part of it, but I have learned that if one thing happens to one person in a family it happens and has an effect on everyone.  I also think that this principle is part of what is helping us get this figured out now. My family fell apart during this time. We tried to be together and tried to be there for each other but we just weren't. Over time we have started to heal, and honestly we still are. We are talking to each other more, and trying to understand each other. It will take a lot of time and effort, we have been dealing ( or not dealing with it at some points) for almost 12 years.

What I would say that I have really learned from this section is how important family communication is. It determines so much of your experiences. When you share your thoughts, feelings, and understanding; family grows together.

Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it. I hope that my post are helping someone some where. Heaven knows that I have learned a lot from this class. If you have any questions about anything, please ask. Even if I haven't talked about it. I would love to explore new material with your help.

Marital (Physical) Intimacy

Alrighty!
So today's class was about marital intimacy. To open up the class we talked about how married people are the ones that report the most satisfaction out of their sexual lives. Which actually made a lot of since as we continued talking through out the class. We then talked about the differences between males and females in their responses. It was discussed that men usually are aroused much quicker than women. Men reach orgasm much faster and often are already coming out of the high point before many women even fully reach orgasm. The comment was made that guys are like a microwave and women are like an oven (or a crock-pot).
   We then talked about some of the challenges that couples face and then some of the opportunities that come from physical intimacy. Challenges may include:
- Time
     This can include what I talked about above, or it can be the actual lack of time to be intimate.
- Critical of each other
     The issue  of men being done quickly came up again. Women can feel like he doesn't really care or want  to be with her. It was also said that men want to be physically intimate more often which makes the woman think that he is a pig using her for her body. Both of which are untrue and can be explained.
- Hurt
     Very similar to being Critical and thus hurting your spouses feelings.
-Tired
      This can cause the previous two points.
And all of these can cause an avoidance of intimacy at all and thus create a void in the marriage. Marital Intimacy is very important for a marriage. It creates a bond between husband and wife. It brings your spouse and you closer together.

Which brings us to the opportunities that come with physical intimacy.
- Learning to work together
- Learn consideration of your spouse and their needs
- Become at least as concerned as they are about themselves.
- Feel Loved and Supported

There is just one more thing that i want to touch on to wrap this up. I think it is really important to understand. We talked about how being physically intimate with multiple people can really mess up your ability to trust people and to be able to get close to people. Even holding hands and kissing passionately with multiple people can do this. I think you stop trusting people and getting close because when you are physical with a person you get attached to them, and then when you or they move on to another person so easily it hurts. It gives up your self worth. You are not getting the commitment and your intimate needs met. And I meant Intimate as, yes physically, but also emotional and getting the attention and respect all human beings need.

I think that is all for this post. Thanks for reading! Please ask questions!

Early Marital Adjustments

     This week we talked about the first little part of a marriage. There are many adjustments that need to be made in the first week, month, and year of a marriage. The first day we talked about some of the problems that can occur in a marriage. We talked about two things in particular as examples of some of the challenges that can arise.
1.) Shared living space
     Our conversation about this was really funny. We talked about how hard it can be sharing a bathroom. You have your own morning routine that you have gotten use to over the years. Throwing another person into the routine can really mess you up. You have a place for all your stuff, or you don't care where your stuff lands. this can be frustrating to the other person. We talked about how guys generally don't clean their bathroom, and how girl will hang things up all over in the bathroom. The whole point was that you have to collaborate and work together.
     I actually got to apply this Monday night with my roommates. We have been struggling with shared living areas. Stuff gets left all over the bathroom counter, dish pile in the sink, and one roommate would sleep on the couch at night and be there until late into the afternoon. So we decided to have a meeting so we could talk about these issues. We talked about just having respect for the other people that live in the house. It can be hard to change your habits but you can try to change those things that are upsetting to others. I think it is about dealing with somethings people do, adjusting, and being patient with other things.
2.) Figure problems out together
     That last thought goes into the next topic well. in order to solve problems you have to communicate and work them out together. If you don't talk about issues it just make the issue worse or makes new ones.  There were two really great thoughts I picked up form class. The first was the marriage is a learning process. You should be becoming better through the marriage. If you are not communicating you are not going to learn anything. Just like if you went to class and your professor doesn't say a word. You will learn very much, because you only have your own thoughts. You can do the reading and homework but you only get so much out of that. I hope that makes some sense.
     The second thought is "coming together and becoming one is divine, it is not natural." This probably goes better with the first though of living spaces. It is hard to become one with another person and thus not natural. It is natural for man to put forth the least amount of effort needed. We take short cuts, we do enough to keep the other person satisfied but not quite happy, and, honestly, we do just enough to get by. This isn't divine. Becoming one is divine, as I quoted. Trying your best to understand one another, talking about what is best for your family, becoming one in thoughts and actions, and both contributing to the way your family runs.
 
     I learned a lot from this section about marriage. It's not that I didn't know that you need communication in a marriage, but now I understand better why. It isn't simply to get a task accomplished. It is more divine than that. I guess I just really loved seeing how it contribute to becoming one with your spouse and then both of you becoming one with God.